GUIDES

Despite knowing with one hundred percent certainty that every so-called "magician" on the internet is actually a turbo faker, I'm still here making digital, internet-accessible resources for "magicians". Why? I don't know. I really don't fucking know. Maybe its my responsibility to, as the only real magician. Or maybe there is a shrivelled, pathetic part of me that, in the face of it all, is still desperately clinging to the hopeless idea that there's other people like me out there. That I'm not just some freak or ancient relic doomed to be completely and ultimately alone, miserable and misunderstood for the rest of my horrible life.

If you're a wizard.net user start at the Magic 101 section. If I could I would make a section even more basic then that, called Magic for retards who's self perpetuating incestous web ring of paternal heritage hasn't left a single intelligent gene in their body. But as it stands, teaching you neanderthals basic developmental motor functions is not my job, and really in your case we should just quit while we're ahead. TLDR: just start from Magic 101.

And yes, magic is real. You can post screenshots of this site to a certain message board site and laugh about it with your waste of air buddies, doesn't change the fact that magic is fucking real and you're all just pieces of shit who have beef with a literal fifteen year old.

MAGIC 101

Let's get one thing straight. If you, imbecile that you are, think you know magic, you're wrong. And not only are you wrong, you are a total, full-blown, shit-for-brains fucking retard. I'd hate to overuse the "r word", in case this serious, no-bullshit magic guide starts reading like the rabies froth addled slew of racial slurs you'd find a 12 year old call of duty player spitting into a blue yeti mic. But I simply can't help it. That is what you are. Calling you a retard is like calling a cat 'felis catus', or a dog 'canis lupus'. It's your scientific classification; 'homo retardus'. Your retardedness lives in your blood. Or it would but most definitley does, since this whole tangent is dealing in hypotheticals. God how fucking embarassing. Let's outline some basic principles.

#1: Magic does not need energy, stamina, mana, chakra or whatever fucking else you want to call it.

You can tell someone is a faker when they say they can't (very conventiently) do a certain spell because they "don't have the ingredients" or because it requires "too much energy". This is not how magic works.

Casting spells doesn't require an exceptional amount of energy, no more than that you would use for any other everyday task under your capability, and spells don't need specific ingredients unless that is an aspect of your aid.

#2: The ability to do magic comes from having a free soul/ a broken seal.

If you need me to explain what a soul is please go terminate your existence.

Now 'seal' in this context doesnt refer to the ocean animal but is instead used to mean 'something fixed around the edge of an opening to prevent liquid or gas flowing through it'.

Every soul has a non-tangible seal on it, preventing one from being able to do magic. When this seal is broken, hereditarily or through freak circumstances, the user is then able to do magic. That's it. No strings attatched.

Keep in mind though that breaking one's seal is incredibly difficult, maybe even impossible for most people. I'll admit that this isn't something I know a lot about. I'm a magician from birth, so not my area of expertise, and it's not a clear-cut process that I can just write a tutorial for. Most magical literature is written for people who can already do magic. If I ever find anything more on the topic I'll update this section.

Now, onto the next principle of magic...

#3: An aid is any action or object that allows one to effectively channel their magic.

I already know what your worthless existence is going to spit at me in the face of all my tiresome efforts. "haha! AIDS!". At this point I realise telling you to kill yourself just isn't enough. I understand now, in this moment, the empty, depressive feeling that soaked itself in your father's bones four beers in, before he got in the car and left that night, making it the last time you've ever seen him.

Killing yourself would be the best and smartest thing you've ever done, so obviously you're never going to do that. What you should do instead is disappointingly rot away in your cold, ambitionless, lard-filled human body, either becoming a needlehead or an alcoholic, two cosmically unimportant paths for a cosmically unimportant person, before you eat shit in a car accident.

Anyways, what you need to get from this section is that, while a free soul makes the difference between being capable of magic, an aid is what lets you channel that magic into spellcasting.

Now you're probably thinking to yourself, 'This needing an aid to do magic business sounds exactly the same as needing resources to do magic'. Well in that case you deserve an award for having made it this far in life being that fucking stupid.

Aside from the fact that there are certain universal acts of magic that don't require the use of an aid, not all aids are finite. Waving a wand, brewing potions, and even something as obscure as dancing or playing an instrument can all be used to channel magic. If you have a shitty aid that needs you to use one entirely specific plant to do any fucking magic then maybe you should just kill yourself because thats not my problem and also thats really embarassing.

Although the name implies that they help you to more easily do magic, it is unheard of for a magician not to use an aid of some kind. Most stick to using the same one or two throughout their lifetime. You find the aid that works for you through trial and error, or by studying from another magician.

DISCIPLINES OF MAGIC

Much like science, the study of magic can also be divided into disciplines. Studies of magic in the past haven't been grouped under these disciplines due to a lack of standardisation. This may be the only place you will hear them talked about, as they do not formally exist.

COMPUTATIONAL MAGIC

From Axis Algorim's 'Computational Magic', 1985:

"Rationalising magic through computational thinking allows the magician the luxury of using tools, forming foundations and applying concepts that were previously thought exclusive to programming. When casting a spell there are in theory an infinite amount of variables within the space of our framework (i.e. 'the real world'). To take into account this many variables is not only physically impossible, but also unnecessary to the spell's success. Every practiced magician is already aware of this, whether he or she knows it or not, and has already a 99% likelihood of success with far fewer variables. But why stop there? If we can understand the nature of a spell, streamline what we know, cut the fat, not only will we end up with the same 99% success rate using a far simpler spell, but more complex spells can be reconfigured for aids that they would never have worked for otherwise. This is the principle of code refactoring when applied to magic."

Basically any kind of magic where spellwriting is treated like computer code. Magic like this can also be rooted in hacking, cybersecurity, artificial intelligence and more. "Cybermagicians" would be a useful term to describe people who do this sort of thing.

The reverse approach, using magic to manipulate technology, also falls under Computational Magic. An example would be this entire website. I don't know a lick of html. This whole thing is actually just running on a spell. So if you were wondering what my code looked like then uh... you're shit out of luck. Sorry I guess.

MAGICAL BIOCHEMISTRY

By nature a magical aid can be and often is unconventional. The idea behind magical biochemistry is that biochemical reactions in the body: cellular respiration, dna replication, etc. can unconsciously be a form of magical aid. This is thought to be the science behind the biology and anatomy of magical creatures like werewolves.